My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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