i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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