the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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