Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
