just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
