There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
