dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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