After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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