sarcasm needs its own font
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
