A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
