I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
