There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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