Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize