I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
