Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
