I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
