You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
