Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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