I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
