After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
