she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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