SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
