Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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