it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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