She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
