i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am naked and annoyed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
