Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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