im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
