how can u be prego again
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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