yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
