That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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