I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
