Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
