She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no you cant smoke seaweed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
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