Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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