Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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