I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
