Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
