He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
