It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
