Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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