you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am midnight drunk by noon
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
