From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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