Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
