Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
