You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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