lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
