I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
