Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
