I accidentally burped into my bong.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
two words: eviction party
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
