sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
