in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Found your dick twin last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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