dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
