you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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