Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
